all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
bring money and cleavage
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
