Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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