apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
should my penis look like a turkey
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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