umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
