i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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