Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
