I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
