U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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