Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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