I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
