i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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