so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
