So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
