I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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