you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
