would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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