I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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