Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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