i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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