I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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