So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
