I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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