He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
