thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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