He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
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Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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