shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
