Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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