The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish you could order shots online.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
