oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Everything about him screamed your future.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im part way to drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
