can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
