Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
