i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
