I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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