I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
