fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
