you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How external is "for external use only"?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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