In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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