K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
