Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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