cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
