It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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