i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize