Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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