i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
