I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize