dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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