the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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