im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your dick twin last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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