I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
