is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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