There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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