so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize