Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
