I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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