I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
