soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize