went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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