sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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