i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
