if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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