we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
