She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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