I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
