I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
