It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
