as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
