And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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